Wednesday 9 March 2011

The Hate Factor

I am fascinated by the word “hate”, especially when it is associated with the media.  Even by the standards of the most flamboyant of industries, it has been a big week revolving around this 4-letter word.

By now, we are all familiar with the drunken “I love Hitler” anti-Semitic rant of ex-Christian Dior designer John Galliano.  “People like you would be dead,” the designer slurs in the video that circulates the web.  “Your mothers, forefathers, would all be…gassed and…dead.”

His meltdown was a Mel Gibson-esque thunderous roar that shouted across the world.  But if we move away from the sensational and loud to the everyday and subtle, we actually feel “hate” or are “hated” a lot more than know or care to admit.

Have you ever thought that someone that you work with dislikes you for no apparent reason?  Sometimes, the signs are nuanced – when your name is suggested, and the client politely says he wants someone else.  You wonder, “What have I done?”  Like those sitting next to Galliano in the fated Parisian cafe, you have and you haven’t.  But in consolation, you’re not alone, although it does affect some people more than others.

The Penguin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a “deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger and hostility.”  Definitions by Descartes, Aristotle and Freud reveal no consensus to the underlying cause of this feeling.  I like Scottish philosopher David Hume’s definition best: “Hate is an irreducible feeling that is not definable at all.”

The reason “hate” isn’t definable is because we often tend to use the word without quite understanding exactly what it is we’re feeling.  Hate actually sits precariously between rage (needing revenge) and dislike (bringing discomfort, of course it can swing to either extreme).  Hate is both personal and impersonal – personal because you feel that hate, but impersonal because the object of your hatred is often something or someone you don’t even know.  Gulliano has said he will seek professional help for his bizarre behaviour.   Most hate crimes are motivated by ignorance, bias of race or gender.

I want to go back to media because this “hate factor” is especially alive in the media industry.  Having worked in TV for more than two decades, I’ll say this: hate is very much an irrational feeling.  Nothing gets a conversation going better than someone tossing a TV personality’s name in, “Do you know the girl who just started reading the news?  She speaks like words drip out of the corners of her mouth!”  You have to be in the industry to believe that grown adults spend time writing emails or letters complaining about a presenter, host or actor in colourful details.  And when they are ignored, they actually call in to complain.

TV personalities are easy targets because they enter your living room and “talk” to you, up close and personal.  And some of them will inevitably rub you the wrong way.  Very often, it is not something the personality can change overnight – their looks, or the way they dress.  When Larry King first started out with his bow tie and suspenders, he had a high hate factor.

But often, it goes beyond the look to how the personalities talk or carry themselves.  I’ve heard my mother say, more times than I care to remember, “Look at her, I just hate her – so ‘Kay Kiang’” (Kay Kiang is Hokkien for “not smart, but trying to be”.)

A producer then has to tip-toe into the make-up room and talk to the personality tactfully.  “You may want to tone down your delivery a little, we’ve had feedback…”  At this point, one of two scenarios is possible – the presenter collapses in total disbelief; or he or she erupts, “I am who I am – the audience must take it or leave it!”

CNN’s Richard Quest is a prime example of someone you either love or hate.  His animated delivery has split audience reception right down the middle, although the arrest in New York (for being caught naked in Central Park) in 2008 divided public opinion even more.  As a media person, I can appreciate how Quest throws himself into his stories, but his rambunctious delivery can totally wear a viewer down.

What is to be done then?  We are talking about something quite different from Galliano who is seeking help.  Look at the recently retired Larry King.  Over the years, he turned what was clearly a high hate factor into a reputation as one of the most successful  talk show on hosts on CNN.  How did he do it?  He stuck to his style and did what he was hired to do, he did not take himself seriously; he took the people he interviewed seriously.  In the end, if the audience knows that you are sincere, that you merely want to get your job done, the audience will get it.  TV is after all a very intimate medium.

The hate factor is a consequence of two things – in the media at least.  When audiences feel you’re trying to hard to sell a message or yourself; and when they feel you’re not geniune – it could be the way you talk (is that accent fake?) or your body language (why does she need to adjust her hair every two minutes?).

All said, the best cure – and this applies to everyone in general, not just those in the media – is to be receptive to feedback.  If your colleague is kind enough to tell you that you have the hate factor, acknowledge it.  Yes, it’s not totally fair, but then again, what in life really is?  Ultimately, if you are truly yourself, the hate factor can work in your favour.  Because over time, people will accept you for who you are.

If what’s causing hate is something you put on, then take a look in the mirror with honest eyes and ask, not the mirror but yourself, if you’re indeed the fairest of them all.  Your mirror cannot speak, but the person looking back will be the real you.

This is updated from my column from Singapore Peak in July 2010

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